Jennifer Lauren

Now that I’m a mom, I wrestle with ambition, wondering what I should be achieving, whether I’m doing enough, and if it’s okay to slow down or change lanes.

As a first generation Asian American working in tech, my parents made sacrifices to propel our family up and forward, and I’m accustomed to striving for the next thing at rapid speed.

Taking my foot off the gas feels unambitious, or wasteful at times; and I’m afraid that being unambitious means that I’m complacent; and I’m afraid of complacency because I associate it with compromise and mediocrity; and I don’t want to stop growing.

But if I do slow down, I want to spend time on something worthwhile.

Knowing Our Season

There’s a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun. A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot…He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2; 11

Webster defines time as the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. 

Since indefinite progress is impossible to comprehend, we create milestones to know where we are, what to expect, how to prepare, and what to do at a given point or period. Like nature, which tells time with sunrises, seasons, and other rhythms, humans mark the passage of time to do the right thing at the right moment.

If nature embraces rhythms, regular, repeated patterns of movement, then moving at the same speed and pace is unnatural. How much we do and how long it takes to do something varies depending on where we are in life. Being aware of our season frees us from the guilt, criticism, and disappointment of doing less or being slower than an idealized self.

Scripture describes time in dichotomies, things that contrast each other. Contrast can lead people to conflate differences with opposition, but viewing one thing as “good” and assuming its counterpart is “bad” lacks nuance. Few things in nature are intrinsically good or bad. Seasonality adds context so that we can see beauty in everything, especially where we least expect.

In a culture of striving, upgrading, and comparing, knowing our season frees us to see the bigger picture, relinquish old patterns, embrace something new, and evolve.

Deciding What’s Worthwhile

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 

Galatians 5:33

Mortality often motivates people to build things that last — we strive to create names and legacies so that people remember the impact we made after we’re gone. 

So, what’s in a name? What lasts? I’d say that there are three things that are uniquely yours, forever: character, education, and expression. Character includes one’s values, morals, ethics, and virtues. Education is what one knows, and expression is how one communicates what she thinks, believes, and feels.

If the point of ambition is to create something that lasts, isn’t building character a noble ambition and worthy pursuit?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. 

Philippians 2:3-4

Paul the Apostle warns against unbridled, misguided ambition, teaching Jesus followers to produce good fruit so that they lead a life that pleases God. And good fruits are virtues, not things — They’re impossible to measure, but their impacts can be profoundly felt.

The motivation and the means of our ambitions matter. We shouldn’t be self-interested, and we shouldn’t compromise how we treat people to get what we want. Instead, we should elevate our goals so that they’re other-oriented, and the process of achieving them should help us develop the character to forge positive relationships and build people up as we go. 

What’s worthwhile is to become more like Jesus. Virtuous character begets good people, cultures, organizations, and work. 

My To Do List

So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God

Colossians 1:10

I want to spend time on something worthwhile. But, how I spend my time should be informed by the season I’m in. While I used to work and travel like a nomad, having Jette has made me realize that I’m in a season of planting. I’m a wife, mom, and friend who wants to establish a home, build a family, and cultivate a community that contributes to human flourishing where we are, right now.

Today, I’m slowing down compared to married-without-a-kid Jen. Most days feel like an infinite loop of feeding, playing with, and soothing Jette to sleep. Sometimes I catch myself wishing that Jette would nap longer, but then I remember that she’s the focus, not the distraction from my to-do list.

Am I unambitious, and therefore, complacent? They’re different qualities, but neither is intrinsically better or worse, sans context. In fact, Webster defines complacent as self-satisfaction. One might interpret this as gratitude, contentment, or enough — is that so bad? 

What feels unambitious is a different rhythm that invites me to remove achievement from its pedestal and embrace what’s new and appropriate for this season. I’m trying to pay attention to the people around me and how I can love, accept, and affirm them.

There’s a time to achieve, but developing character is in season, 24/7/365.